Doubts…is this really happening?

We are T-5.  We’re not ready.  I am one of the most organized people I know, and we’re still likely to mess this up in multiple ways.  My to-do list started eight weeks ago and was a mile long, and although much more manageable now, there are way too many ‘uncompleted tasks’ for my comfort.  

But as we get closer it’s not my ‘to do list’ that concerns me the most.  My biggest worry has become my kids’ ability to adjust to a new school and new life.  It’s both the little and the big things.  We will be living in an apartment there – what exactly will our kids do all day when they can’t run outside? So far we’ve allowed no electronics at home, but is that going to be possible once there? Ella (our 4th grader) is tight with her friends and when I see tears in her eyes knowing that she’s not going to see them and spend her last year at Sun Valley with them, I question my logic.  Rob and I think we’re doing the right thing, but what if, in fact, we’re causing some irreversible damage to our kids’ psychological well-being? People often ask us if the kids are excited. No, they’re not. “We’re moving to dumb dumb Argentina where they don’t speak English!” is one choice quote often repeated by our youngest son.  Do we really know better and should we as parents become better listeners to our kids? Why are we pulling them away from their home, school, friends? Will this really build resilience, grit and character, at best, or does it have the possibility to lead into something much darker? I have this vision of long afternoons running around urban parks, picking up best-quality beef at the local butcher, exploring new neighborhoods and watching people dance Tango on cobblestone streets while my kids soak it all in.  I know that this is not likely to be the case.  

But, while I’m certain that reality will not match my expectations, I hope that the experience will be life-changing for them in a positive way. At least that’s what everyone says. Logically, I’m certain that this will be an amazing experience for Rob and I and the family as a whole. More time together, more games, more adventures, hopefully more smiles. But each kid individually?  Maybe they will thank me in 10 years but that’s a long time…in the meantime, they may not see any benefits today or anytime soon. As for me, I wonder where my head will be in a few weeks, but for now, I’m focused on managing tears and hyping up Thailand adventures before we start a new school in Buenos Aires in August.

A friend recently sent me the graphic I used as a cover to this post.  So at the very least I’m managing my life according to some fun poster someone made up and hope it works out for the best!