The question of ‘why we are here’ comes up almost daily.  And while I’ve outlined ‘why we’re doing this‘ previously, I feel like I need to provide a deeper explanation now that we’re several months into our adventure.

Why did we choose to make a decision that would change our life so drastically?  All of us make big decisions that have profound impact on the trajectory of our lives all the time.  Sometimes it’s out of necessity or when life throws us a curveball. Sometimes it’s driven by luck. Other times it is the next natural stage in life, like when we get married or start a family.  In all of these cases, although the decisions may be difficult to make, the motivation for making them is usually quite clear.

It is when we are not forced to make a change but still deliberately choose to veer off the pre-set path, the one that we always assumed we would be on, that things can get a bit more spicy.  It’s normally easier to stay on the course we’ve outlined for ourselves, particularly when things are going well.  Why change?  Even if there is an inkling of curiosity or a wonder about something new, it can seem risky to start over, redefine what you want, and move in a new direction. But in fact, while it may may be challenging to pro-actively make a significant life-changing decision, it can also be wonderfully rewarding.

While we make choices all the time in small and big ways, we often we don’t have the courage to take the plunge into something bigger that is unknown.  I understand that this luxury of deliberately designing my life is not afforded to all and that often real obstacles prevent us from doing what we want.  But I also know that for many who do have the ability to change their lives substantially, doing so often seems too overwhelming with the fear of the unknown slowly creeping in and controlling their choices.  And so it is easier to stay in status quo and follow the conventional wisdom. There is nothing wrong with this – why change things when you’re really satisfied with your life? For most people, having a healthy family, great career, and many close friends is more than enough to make them happy.  But for some of us, it seems like we are always searching, never quite content, forever curious of what else is out there.  Over time I have come to see this as a curse and a blessing, both tiring and exhilarating at the same time.

When I started sharing the idea that we are going to take a year off to explore the world, learn a new language, and spend more time as a family, I heard countless times responses like, “I wish I could do that”, “That’s amazing, you are so lucky”, etc.  I always wished I had a spare couple of hours to craft a smarter response because I never quite agreed with these reactions. I don’t define luck as something that I worked hard to get to. I am ‘lucky’ in that we are all healthy.  But I don’t believe that it is ‘luck’ that creates opportunities, but rather it’s opportunities that create ‘luck’. A few years ago right after we had our first baby I was visiting a dear friend of mine, also a new mom.  She asked what time Rob gets home in the evening to help out with the baby and when I answered that he’s home by six, like me, my friend was quick to point out how lucky I am that my husband was around to help.  This is not luck.  Both Rob and I had consciously chose to leave high-paying, high-stress jobs and took substantial pay cuts to reduce our hours and responsibilities in order to be home at a reasonable time, have flexible schedules, and parent equally.  This decision had profound consequences on our finances for years to come but we were happy with it though it did not feel ‘lucky’.  It felt ‘right’ to us; a deliberate step off the pre-determined path even when conventional wisdom guided us to continue with our ambitious careers.

When we decided to take a year off work and move to Argentina, Rob and I didn’t need to escape anything. We had a pretty average, comfortable, and honestly nice lives.  We liked our jobs (for the most part), loved the community we were in including our neighborhood, school and friends, and generally felt happy, fortunate, and grateful. We enjoyed the Bay Area and especially Marin.  We weren’t particularly overworked or overstressed, even while raising three rambunctious kids and both working full-time in Silicon Valley.

Yet for years we had this dream to change course.  Why? Part of the rationale for me has been relishing in who I am.  I have always been or perceived myself to be an outsider to some extent.  Much of that is driven by my up-bringing and being born outside of the United States.  When I was younger, this fact often made me feel extremely uncomfortable, particularly in the midwest where it seemed that no one was like me and the differences between my friends and I were profound.  I wanted so desperately to be like everyone else, to belong, to wear Guess jeans. But as I got older and left the midwest, being ‘different’ suddenly become an asset, something that seemed to define only me, gave me more confidence, and allowed me view the world differently.  This fed my need to continue to be an outsider, at least in my mind. It turns out that I liked being an outlier. And while travel and exploring the world was always my passion, more importantly it became a way to define myself.  This perspective gave me a powerful vantage point, one that holds both the need to be different and to belong in equal tension.  It gives me the courage to design my life as I believe best fits me and my family.

What motivates and allows us to change our lives without fear? It’s obviously different for everyone.  I am fortunate to have many friends who have deliberately made big changes in their lives and have learned from all of them. One moved her family from a capital city and a big stressful job to the mountains where she lives in a beautiful mountain cabin and literally stops to smell the flowers every day.  Another one became a NYT best-selling-author after she left her stressful NYC law-firm post graduating from Harvard Law and decided to start writing books.  We all have countless examples like this in our lives, inspirational and bold moves that can become motivating when taking that leap of faith and jumping in with both feet.

But while the motivations are different for everyone, the outcome of taking the plunge is similar. It is not about being extraordinary or doing something extraordinary – but rather, having the courage to intentionally leave the pathway you thought you should be on and instead forging a new plan based on what you want to do with your life.  It is about letting go of the fear and focusing on the outcome instead. If you really want to make a big change, start planning.  A recent piece in the NYT Review section struck me with its simplicity about this subject – if you had to get together with your close friends in three to five years to talk about your life, what would have to had happened in those three to five years to indicate that they were happy years?  What do you have to start doing today to plan to accomplish this? How can you overcome any fears or misgivings you may have?

I have always known that I wanted to reject conventional wisdom and set my own course, even in a small way (let’s face it, while it seems big for me, moving to Argentina is not that crazy in the grand scheme of things).  I think it’s about finding that inner motivation to take the first step, however small, to begin change.  There are always many excuses and fear has taught us to focus on the risks first vs relish in the potential rewards.  But I think that most of us are better than that.  So next time someone tells me, ‘You’re so lucky that you could do this!’, my response will be, ‘and so are you if that’s what you want to do’.